Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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