if you like me you must not know who I am
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
