I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize