i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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