You're my little dorito
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
