can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize