Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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