Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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