she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
