Your dad touched me again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
