I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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