You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
