god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
