Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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