My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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