WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
