it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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