marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
