he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i permit you to call me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
