I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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