i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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