that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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