her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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