It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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