My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
