its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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