He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
