Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
