Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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