smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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