We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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