i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
