So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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