no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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