hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
