what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
