just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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