Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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