I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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