You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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