Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
