Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
