ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This baby is an asshole
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
