A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
