I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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