I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
