There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
