his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize