I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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