My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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