First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude i'm inner monologue high
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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